Either I am getting older or I have been watching too many shows that have been speaking about death, the topic of death has been on my mind.
My friend once asked if I am diagnosed with cancer, would I want to kill myself/just don't receive treatment or receive treatment and suffer like hell? I think for me, it is impossible to not have suicidal thoughts. Cos' killing myself is really the easier way out. Think it's the thought of being a burden to the people around you. All the money, the time, the pain. Why don't I just die?
But then again, if you end your life, this is it. NO more second chances. NO more new opportunities. NO more nothing. You are just gone. It just doesn't feel right when some people are trying their best to live and you are giving it all away without a fight.
Suffering or death? I choose suffering. At least I can make a difference.
I think I don't have enough love in me. All the love is being drained. If only it was so easy as to go to God to receive His love in a package and just pass it to the people around me. If only.
Chicken rice. Steamboat. Jap food. Cafe Latte. Cake. Cravings. Happy food.
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